Gottman was a marriage guidance counsellor, who realised that his clients were often in a heightened state and therefore not receptive to the counselling.

Gottman came up with some tasks to calm the patients and therefore make the sessions more effective.

Step 1- calm the body: deep breathing exercises, drink a cool glass of water, splash face with cold water, suck on a sour sweet

Step 2- focus the mind: describe your surroundings, name 5 things you can see, 4 you can hear, 3 you can touch, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste, make lists from a-z such as animals , girls names.  How many blue things can you see?

Step 3- Block the behaviour: do the opposite of what you feel like doing.  For example Sing instead of shout, sit on hands instead of punching a wall.  if you are feeling bad about yourself do something nice for yourself.

Step 4- Be effective, help yourself!  do something meaningful, solve the problem work towards your goals.

These steps should help you ground yourself and make thing seem more doable. Once you start to use them you will find that you will adapt them to your own situations. For example a supermarket can be an anxious place for many, if you feel an anxiety attack coming on then head to the freezer section and place you hands in the frozen peas for a short while. this will refocus you and should decrease your anxiety. Each person develops their own techniques over time and can